If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
