I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I fill condoms, not promises.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
