my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
