oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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