I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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