all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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