Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Randomize
