Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
