I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
