break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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