He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Randomize
