where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
