I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
