You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
