i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
