THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
