After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
