Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
