Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Randomize
