He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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