I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Randomize
