it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
