you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
