Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
