Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
You're like the curious george of whores
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
