Tell her she can't have a vagina
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
