I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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