He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
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