The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
