Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
