Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
You brought string cheese to the strip club
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
