dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
