R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
