using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
