Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
