question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
