she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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