I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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