I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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