Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
