First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
