Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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