i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
