she looked like the before picture.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
