she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
