what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
He? As in you personified your dick?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Randomize
