even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
