if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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