he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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