i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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