i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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