That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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