So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
