his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
