either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
