4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
